Light in My Shadow
by bambers2
Summary: Reflections on what keep Sam and Dean going after so many struggles...


_short little oneshot that just came to mind and refused to go away...hope everyone enjoys!! bambers;)_

_Light in My Shadow_

I'd believed in myself. Believed I could just walk away. Believed I could have a different life. And when that new life burned up before my eyes, I turned to the one constant in my life. Took shelter from the pain under his protective wing.

I'd believed in prayers. I've prayed so hard. Have asked for saving grace. Have searched for signs of a higher power. A light to cast away my shadow. I have found nothing.

I'd believed in angels. Dean said my mom used to tell him angels watched over us. They must be real, the bible is full of them. If that's true why can't I find them? And if I can't, does that mean I don't deserve to be saved?

I'd believed if I could save enough people, I would somehow be redeemed. The scales would somehow tip in my favor. I know it's a selfish reason for helping people. Know that selfless acts are not rooted in gain, but maybe if I get bruised and battered enough along the way, that can be forgiven as well.

And when I could no longer believe in those, I'd believed in a bottle of Jack. An act of cowardice to give me courage. But somehow asking Dean to kill me if I ever turn all dark side, doesn't seem courageous in the light of day. Even through the drunken haze, I could see the pain in his green eyes. See what that one thoughtless request did to him. Could almost hear his heartbeat cease with those few careless words.

But he agreed. A truly selfless act, but not my own.

I'd believed in faith. Have searched for it. Have looked within to find it. But, it wasn't until I looked into my brother's eyes that I found it. Eyes that could convey so many emotions with just a single glance, showed me that I was worth saving. And, I believed him.

I believe in my brother. Believe he would rather die then to hurt me. Believe he will find a way to save me or will die trying.

I believe in angels. I need look no further than the front seat of the Impala to find one. He is the light that casts my shadows away. He is the answer to my prayer for saving grace. Within his green eyes I find I am not alone, and my faith is restored.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

I'd believed in myself. Believed I could make it on my own as I watched Sam walk away. Believed I could let him go to live his own life. But, I couldn't. And, as I watched his new life burn up before my eyes, and wrapped my arm around him as he silently wept, I'd wondered where were the angels my mother said were watching over us.

I'd believed in weapons. Believed they could protect me from all evil. Believed that through them, I could save my brother. But, when he handed me his gun and asked me to kill him, my faith in them was shattered.

I'd believed in my father. Believed nothing could harm him. Believed he was invincible. And as I watched him dying, I whispered a prayer for him to live. I searched unfamiliar territory, not knowing exactly what to say. Silence was my answer.

I'd believed I could save my brother. Believed if I'd just tried a little harder, I could protect him from being touched by evil. But, seeing another man's blood on his shirt, and the defeated look in his hazel eyes, tore at my soul and ate a hole in my heart.

I'd never been one to believe in faith. Needed to see something with my own two eyes to believe it. I'd searched for it. Looked within to find it. But, it wasn't until I looked into my brother's eyes that I found it. Eyes that could convey so many emotions with just a single glance, showed me he had faith that I could save him. Trusted I would do everything in my power to protect him. And, I believe I can.

I believe in my brother. Believe he would die rather then hurt me. Believe he will fight to his dying breath not to turn evil.

I believe in angels. I need look no further than the front seat of the Impala to find one. He is the light that casts my shadows away. He is the answer to my prayer for saving grace. Within his hazel eyes I find I am not alone, and my faith is restored.


End file.
